Girls On Film

See them walking hand in hand across the bridge at midnight
Heads turning as the lights flashing out it's so bright
Then walk right out to the fourline track
There's a camera rolling on her back, on her back
And I sense the rhythm humming in a frenzy all the way down her spine

Girls on film, girls on film, girls on film, girls on film...

Taking photographs used to be easy. All you had to do was press a button and SNAP. This would usually result in a precious moment in time being captured on film. Well, maybe it wasn't that easy.  Firstly, there was the mundane task of intricately threading the roll of film through the camera, making sure that the film wasn't exposed to the sun. Then you had to wait painstakingly for your film to develop, praying that there were at least two good shots you could use out of the entire roll!

These days with the development of the digital camera, picture taking has never been easier. But with the dawn of this new technology, civilisation has lost something far more precious: the candid photograph.

Victor Burgin summed up photography beautifully when he described it as “certain physical materials [that] are technically handled so that meanings are produced.”


In films, an image is the first thing the viewer witnesses. When the viewer sees an image, they associate reality with the image. However, images can also have a meaning. When watching the opening sequence of a film, there are many elements, in which the viewer must take in. The first images of the film give the audience clues as to what the film is about. The characters are introduced and from that point, the viewer tries to analyse where they fit in the storyline and predict their outcome. Viewers are active participants reading the film.

The same can be said for the photographs. There is not a single word of dialogue. The images tell the story. A single shot is used to implant an image into the audience’s minds, serving as visual reminder of a memory, place or time.

Which only makes the loss greater. We manipulate the ways in which we are perceived by our friends and family. We do it everyday through social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. And it's as easy as uploading a photograph. We delete the shots we don't like. We pose in certain ways to capture the attention of certain individuals. We sexualise even the simplest of photograph. We have taken away the real essence of picture taking. And it all begins with our Facebook profile picture.

They say the eyes are the window to your soul, well, I say your Facebook profile picture is how you want the world to see you. Well, namely that grade 10 jerk who called you ugly or your junior high crush. Choosing a profile picture is not a task that should be taken lightly. After all, how else will people know that you've turned into a total babe or that you've been to the zoo?

So I thought I would re-create some of the photos you should NOT have as your Facebook/Twitter or any other social media profile pic. You know the ones I'm talking about. You don't?

Well then take a look at these shockers!


Sex Bomb, Sex Bomb ( The I'm Too Sexy Shot)

My apologies. I wasn't aware that you were (insert country) Next Top Model. Yeah, well Tyra didn't know either. Anyway, that's not a reason for you to plaster the newsfeed with pics of you looking like you've sucked on a lemon. And you can not possibly be that 'perfect'. Let's face it, when God was moulding you, he wasn't thinking that one day you would photoshop away all the special things that make you who you are.

But this shot is becoming more and more popular amongst the 'kids'. There are many versions of this photo. Some of the most popular photos are taken in front of a mirror. You know the one I'm talking about. I refuse to demonstrate. But think Miley. In her underwear. Yep. That's the one.

There is also the awkward lean. Again, something I refuse to do. But take a look at these girls. My biggest fear is that I end up on this website. Sadly, out of all the shots I've seen on Facebook, this shot is probably the most popular amongst young girls. And I'm talking about really young girls. Yikes! Someone needs to be having a conversation with these kids.

  I look like I belong at Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. Or worse - Jersey Shore!

This pose is very popular amongst the 12-15 demographic. Can a...er..20 something pull it off?

Cougar or sex kitten? Do girls actually think these poses come naturally?

Take A Picture (The Celebrity Photo Shot)

Yeah, yeah, yeah...we get it. You meet a lot of celebrities. But do you have to leave me a constant reminder that my life may not be as interesting as yours? Ok, I'm jealous. Do the world (i.e. me) a favour and upload the pics into an album titled, "I met another really cool celeb and you didn't". Then I can comment about how much I hate you and wish that I could be you! Only kidding!! 

But seriously, unless that celeb is someone I couldn't care less about (I will publish a detailed list very soon) then reserve it for an album, not your display pic!

K Rudd at the height of his fame. He looks a little flat. Hmmm...

Lover's united: The Talented Mr Grohl

Right place, Right time

Flaming hell! Everyone needs a shot with Ray Meagher!

Baby, Baby, Baby...Ohhhhhhhh....Dear (The Baby/Babies Shot)

I'm not a mother...yet, but it doesn't mean that I don't think kids are one of the most precious beings on this planet. But let's face it. Not everyone wants to be bombarded with pics of your kids. Especially not if your child is your profile picture. Could you imagine the creepiness that Facebook stalkers feel when they are looking at your profile? Your kids shouldn't be subjected to that.

Someone made the good point that if they wanted to know every little thing lil' Billy does, they would add him on Facebook. Save the updates and pics for people that really care about your child. In this day and age, do you really want random acquaintances to know every little detail about your child? I know I wouldn't that's why my babies Tinkerbell, Harley, Billie Madison and Batman only get random mentions on my page. Don't worry babies...mommy loves you!

Batman sleeping after a hard day of being a...cat?

Tinkerbell has got his mother's smile!

Thanks to Harley, I'm now a grandmother seven times over. Billie Madison is in there...somewhere!

You Must Have Been A Beautiful Baby ( The I Was Cute Back Then & Nothing Has Changed Shot)

If you're dumb enough to use a picture of yourself as a child, then you're asking for the obligatory 'You were so cute back then. What happened?" comment. Most people don't care what you looked like back then. And correct me if I'm wrong, but don't people use Facebook to connect with people from the past? Namely for the reason to see what they look like now. Not back in 1875!

So if you're going to use a shot from when you were a wee pup, don't be surprised if you get de-friended. Because nobody wants to be friends with a baby!

I trace my photo-whoring back to my youth

Work Of Art (The Arty-Farty Shot)

This should have been the 'emo' shot. Emo shot? Yes, you know what I'm talking about. The black and white shot. Black fingernails...broken glass. But who am I kidding? I'm too happy to even re-create that look, so instead I present to you the artsy 'I know how to use the cool photo apps on my smartphone' shot.

Sure we know how to use them, but do we really need to use it to take a display picture? Let's face it. There is a reason that your photography skills are limited to taking half decent profile pictures and nothing more. You are NOT a photographer. Try leaving all the curves/denoise/shadow techniques to the experts!

Crazy In Love ( The I'm In A Relationship shot)

There is one shot that I refuse to put on Facebook. The 'I'm so in love with my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband' shot. Yes, even I believe some things should be kept private.

I don't know about you, but the last thing I want to see when I log into my Facebook is pictures of you and your lover dry humping on my computer/phone screen. Yet, it never ceases to amaze me. I wasn't aware that I was friends with so many softcore porn stars.

And whilst were on the subject, enough with the 'I'm so in love' statuses. I get it! Your Facebook friends will thank you for allowing them to keep their breakfast down. Keep your declarations of love for private moments for two. 

As long as there are social networking sites that allow us to upload our most intimate snaps, then there will be countless images of us for the world to see. Only now it seems that we have the power to gain control of how we are seen to the world.